First things first … I am so, so sorry.
I know we’ve around this block before. I wrote about, I asked about it, I tried powering on … I tried.
But I can’t anymore. I have nothing left in me. I have tried for years to bring more people on board with this magazine, this vision and dream, I have tried editing and formatting anthologies alone and failed miserably, I have physically hurt myself thinking of being nothing but a failure to the existence of what should have been Musae Mosaic.
The dream was perfect. The dreamer was not.
Maybe it was youth, naivety, maybe it was pure inexperience, I don’t know. I just know it has turned me into what I never wanted to be.
The very stark truth of the matter is that I am empty. Life being what it is right now, not living my own life, not being able to do more with my family, being limited by realities … it has maxed me out, through and through. But that’s okay, because we’ve begun living other adventures. We’ve been studying and learning, dreaming of a stronger future for us, dreaming of working with artists forever, we’ve fallen in love, we’ve begun planning futures, we’ve begun a wonderful journey forward that is a light at the end of a very long, very dark tunnel.
A six year long tunnel.
During that six years, my only joy was this world that I could share with you. Friday Phrases, 200 Word Tuesdays and Musae Mosaic.
During those six years, I made more memories than I thought I would. I remember all of our interviews with the most amazing writers I could ever know. I remember 200WT stories from years ago that are still fresh in my mind, because I loved them so, so, so much. I remember people who wrote for #FP in the days when I just started out, and who were with me when I took over. Some of them are still here, some of them have moved on, but I remember. And I loved them all.
I still do.
But this isn’t something I can breathe life into anymore, because I’m not saving any life for myself and in the end, it doesn’t change anything. There’s still no fresh stories on the magazine, there are no anthologies, there’s very little engagement, very few of us staying for the things that were so fresh and beautiful two years ago. I tried doing this all alone, and I was very much outnumbered by the things I wanted to do and couldn’t.
In the end, it’s like throwing a party for an empty room.
During these six years, however … you’ve all made so many memories for me. You’ve been there and supported me and my family through our darkest, darkest days. You’ve shared your stories with me and our beautiful community for all this time … you’ve made every Friday that rolled around for six years magical for me. I will never be able to put into words what an honor it was, to be your #FP host, to be able to share your #200WT’s …
I will never forget the happy days I was able to share with everyone here.
Thank you for all these years of love and support, and sharing.
Thank you with every fibre of my being, from the bottom of my heart, thank you with everything that I am.
But now … it’s also time to bid my fond farewell to everything on Musae Mosaic. I need to find my strength again. Find myself, my future, and all the beautiful things that are going to be in it.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to be far away. My life story will still be documented in painstaking detail over how much coffee I drink, and how much cats I regrettably don’t have, and how much I love the arts from my personal twitter, @LoonyMoonyLara.
I’m still going to be there. I can still be besties with all of you. The only thing that will forever fall away from who I am is that phrase, “Editor of Musae Mosaic.”
And with that, there are a few people I want to thank, people who’ve made this possible for me the last six years, who’ve supported me no matter what and who are a huge part of my heart and always will be…
Thank you, Amy Good. You were the first person who believed in my ability to do more and give more. You gave me the beautiful creation that is #FridayPhrases and I’ve loved it unconditionally for all this time. Thank you for the chance you gave me. Thank you for this beautiful memory. And thank you, @ReedwithaBee! You trusted me with #200WT! It was the most beautiful gift to be given, the trust and friendship with it. I am so sorry that I couldn’t do more for it in the end. I am so, so sorry.
Thank you, @chris_mahan, for the support and so much more over all these years. There will in no way ever truly be a goodbye. But you were there when Friday Phrases, 200 Word Tuesdays, even Musae Mosaic was about to go under and you saved it, time and again. I owe you so much. And soon I’ll begin repaying every kindness you’ve ever given me and my family. For now, I hope this thanks will be enough.
And finally, thank you, thank you for YOU. You’ve been my heroes for all this time and you will always be. I’m still in awe of each and every single one of you for the stories you’ve shared and the amazing things you set free into this world. Thank you for being my best friends for all these years, for giving me so much, for allowing me to have these memories, these experiences. You are truly … truly wonderful. And I adore you with all of my heart. I always will.
Musae Mosaic will not live into the new week.
This week … will be the last #FridayPhrases I share with all of you. I am going to be crying my eyes out for hours and hours, because I hated saying goodbye five years ago and I hate saying goodbye now.
Some things never change 🙂
I will not immediately delete the Musae Mosaic twitter account and if anyone would like me to add them to the #FPbestiesandbff’s list I have on my personal account, DM me on Musae Mosaic and I’ll add you! You can also just follow me on @LoonyMoonyLara and we can chat more there. I’d love to stay in touch, after all! 🙂
But … with that being said and done, it really is time for goodbye.
It’s time for one last Thank You …
Lara, the GRAY Girls and Musae Mosaic.