Hello, wonderful people of the world!
Today is a day of huge introspection for me, because today I was thinking of my monumental to-do-list for this weekend alone, and I was mentioning some of it to someone I know. Their response was, how come you do so much and nothing ever comes of it?
Truth be told, that hit me really hard, but it is very true. I know I say a lot of things but I have nearly nothing to show for my business. For the sake of staying objective, I have to agree with this. I haven’t done anything of real consequence, I haven’t delivered on promises, (like the e-books, right, just had no money to have them formatted and published, even though they’re all still there, weeping at me every time I open that folder,) I haven’t been able to expand much on many things, I’m … all things considered, not doing a very good job on anything.
Motivating myself to “keeping dragging the dead horse” is very hard but no matter how hard it is, I’ve always adored this magazine, always wanted to do my best, give my best, stay positive for all the authors out there that I could reach and empower, with this beautiful community we have by my side.
I love every part of this and you with all my heart. For five years now, you’ve been part of my purpose, every decision I made for my lifetime has had the words Friday Phrases, Musae Mosaic, 200 Hundred Word Tuesdays all in this beautiful mix, it was going to be my lifetime adventure.
I would give this every single fibre of my being till the end of days if it meant being there to see legends in the writing world be born, magic being made every day and so much more … the dream has never once faded, but realities have set in and this brings me to what I wanted to say.
I’m asking you as a community, as my friends, as people I love so dearly … do you still believe in this “dead horse” of a dream, or is it something you think has reached its end and can be laid to rest peacefully?
Don’t ask me how I feel about it, I just want to know, I beg to know … do you envision there still being passion for this little project in a year, in another five years, in ten?
Or do you feel okay with this ending? For good?
A little twitter poll won’t help me answer this question and I feel like I’m cheating at the game, like I’m overlooking the most important part of everything if I don’t ask you. If I make that decision alone. I don’t want that. I want to know what there is that I can do to make this magazine better for you. I want to know what you want, what you need, what you’d love, so that I can devote more time in a more meaningful way.
As it I, I agonize over the lack of content I’m able to provide, the lack of meaning and experience, and it crushes me in ways I’ve never before experienced; that feeling of abject failure.
I don’t want this to be the story of my life, or the only legacy I leave for Musae Mosaic in one, five or ten years. I don’t want to hurt something I love so much. Ever. That includes each and every single one of you who has given me so much, so many memories, so much experience, so much to treasure for every day that I’m alive.
So … yes, I’m asking you what you think should happen to this legacy from here on out. I’m asking you what you’d want from it. I’m asking why you believe in it, if you do, and how I can make that better for you. I’m asking for you if you believe in it enough to continue it with me, to keep sharing your beautiful voice and to help me in a dream to give artists from all walks of life a place to belong.
That dream can be one of the most powerful, positive things I do in this life, and I know I can’t go at it alone, but I can’t ask anyone to help me. I haven’t done enough to deserve that.
In the end, I think what I feel is relatively inconsequential here. This magazine is made for you, powered by your words and your passion. I’m just here as the incredibly fortunate woman who gets to witness that. But I can’t keep this live if no one believes in it enough anymore. If there is at least that, I will power through the lack of content, the endless search of things I can do to make up for that, the hours I pour and am willing to pour into this project so that I can truly help deliver something magnificent to the world.
But this is my hour of need, and all I need is you to tell me what you love about this, what you want from it, what it means to you, how I can better serve you with this project, how I can give you more, what I can do to give you more, and above all … if you believe in it and don’t want to see it laid to rest for good.
Because if that is the next course of action, everything shall be laid to rest. #200WT, #FP, the interviews we do with authors and the million and one things we can do out that I don’t have time to implement myself, that I can’t keep on top of alone, that I will try to do … if you believe in it and in me enough for me to do so.
I’d never ask you to help me hope. But now I’m asking you to tell me why I should.
But … please help me look over this mountain, no matter what lies on the other side.
If you’ve read this far, please … share your thoughts with me. You don’t know how desperately I need to know what you think about this, so … you can leave a comment on this post, or reach me on Twitter, or in our DM’s.
No matter what happens, you’ve all been part of my life for a long time now and I love you all so, so much. You are the best friends I’ve never had in my very lonely world 🙂
Lara Savine …